We are off to see the Wizard of Albany Med. tomorrow. We must be there at 8:30 in the morning as that is the only time Dr. Beegle can see me. Up early and on the road we go.
I talked with Pittsburgh and they want me there on Monday to see the transplant doctor, do PFT's and a 6 minute walk. So, we will be leaving on Sunday and returning on Tuesday, if all goes well.
I called to see if we could take the plane, no oxygen tanks allowed, a concentrator is allowed, but it won't give me 5 liters of oxygen, so we are driving. We will be using the Tom Tom to help us along the way.
They are going to check me out thoroughly and see what is up. We will see. Well, I am off to inhale the wonders of Ventavis and mentally plan for tomorrow.
After the many phone calls this morning to the doctors and their hospitals, we had a fantastic lunch with our friend, Judi C. and her husband, Chuck. They just received a camper that they are doing over and it will be stunning once they finish it. Judi can sew like nobody's business and Chuck is a Jack of all Trades. What a complimentary couple. Can't wait to see the finished camper that will be parked near their new pond. Picnics and barbecues will abound as well as their kids being able to sleep out in the camper, where the bears won't, hopefully, visit them.
Be well while I am out and about trying to figure out what is next on our agenda in getting me well.
May you do the 6 minute walk in no time flat and may the bears leave you in peace.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Finally, Finally, all is done!
Today was a long day as we started out in the cold and ended up in the rain. Oh, raindrops keep falling on my head.
Off to see the financial advisor. What a shake up in the stock market. Is it having a trickle down or would it be up effect? Don't know, but my Mom is not happy about the bailout when she thinks that the CEO's need to be halled in instead of bailed out. Interesting concept?
Then, a meeting with the Mott Charitable Trust lawyer. I am so happy to say that it is done and all the entities that will be helped financially is in place. The poor lawyer asked me if I wanted to have it completed today. My immediate reply, "Yes." It seems like this project has taken a bit of time. Reconfiguring the trust to finalize it is a job in itself. But, all is well. We took a lunch break, then back to the charitable table. Woo Hoo!! All done!!!
Quick trip back to Sidney as Ginni B. and Carol S. met us for dinner and what a nice time we had, discussing this and that. It was relaxing to just sit and visit. As always, the food at the Country Club is good.
Off to home, where Barnie is starting to wonder about all this rain. I'll have to buy him his own yellow, Paddington Bear raincoat.
May you have one of those big yellow raincoats to see you through the raindrops.
Off to see the financial advisor. What a shake up in the stock market. Is it having a trickle down or would it be up effect? Don't know, but my Mom is not happy about the bailout when she thinks that the CEO's need to be halled in instead of bailed out. Interesting concept?
Then, a meeting with the Mott Charitable Trust lawyer. I am so happy to say that it is done and all the entities that will be helped financially is in place. The poor lawyer asked me if I wanted to have it completed today. My immediate reply, "Yes." It seems like this project has taken a bit of time. Reconfiguring the trust to finalize it is a job in itself. But, all is well. We took a lunch break, then back to the charitable table. Woo Hoo!! All done!!!
Quick trip back to Sidney as Ginni B. and Carol S. met us for dinner and what a nice time we had, discussing this and that. It was relaxing to just sit and visit. As always, the food at the Country Club is good.
Off to home, where Barnie is starting to wonder about all this rain. I'll have to buy him his own yellow, Paddington Bear raincoat.
May you have one of those big yellow raincoats to see you through the raindrops.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Yikes, Another Rainy Day!
Aren't rainy days grand? They are indeed as you just slow down on these days and take in the calm. I painted soaps today and managed to make a dent in my scattered clutter. Checked in with Chris, the paint chip fellow. We will be picking colors for the new house at Secor Street, where Barnie and I shall be living shortly.
Letter of Commitment and a date with the two attorneys and all will be set. Woo Hoo! Furniture shopping, rug shopping, household supplies shopping. Common theme here is shopping. My cousin, Huckleberry sent a picture of two little girls holding hands walking down the street with their shopping bags. He claims that no doubt, we are out shopping. He would be and will be right about that as I have a 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bathroom, living room, dining room and kitchen along with the laundry on first floor. It will be fantastic to move in and start decorating.
Before that, Jody H. is painting the rooms for me and power washing the house. He is going to paint the shutters either cranberry or a denim blue. I haven't decided yet. Perhaps, I'll have to have a contest to decide. Barnie's bibs are denim blue, but cranberry is good color for Barnie, too.
I told Jody that I would not put any furniture in the house until the painting is done. Too much to contend with. He agreed me. No vaulting over beds and dressers, no moving couches and love seats or chairs for him.
Ellie called to say the radon mitigating fellow had checked out the house. The flue man is coming tomorrow and then, all will be set. A double Woo Hoo to that!
The pieces to the puzzle of life are slowly falling into place. I am looking forward to every match in putting together this puzzle.
May your puzzle of life be perfectly balanced.
Letter of Commitment and a date with the two attorneys and all will be set. Woo Hoo! Furniture shopping, rug shopping, household supplies shopping. Common theme here is shopping. My cousin, Huckleberry sent a picture of two little girls holding hands walking down the street with their shopping bags. He claims that no doubt, we are out shopping. He would be and will be right about that as I have a 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bathroom, living room, dining room and kitchen along with the laundry on first floor. It will be fantastic to move in and start decorating.
Before that, Jody H. is painting the rooms for me and power washing the house. He is going to paint the shutters either cranberry or a denim blue. I haven't decided yet. Perhaps, I'll have to have a contest to decide. Barnie's bibs are denim blue, but cranberry is good color for Barnie, too.
I told Jody that I would not put any furniture in the house until the painting is done. Too much to contend with. He agreed me. No vaulting over beds and dressers, no moving couches and love seats or chairs for him.
Ellie called to say the radon mitigating fellow had checked out the house. The flue man is coming tomorrow and then, all will be set. A double Woo Hoo to that!
The pieces to the puzzle of life are slowly falling into place. I am looking forward to every match in putting together this puzzle.
May your puzzle of life be perfectly balanced.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Another Rainy Day!
Barnie has fallen in love with this rainy, misty, humid weather of late. He has found the fishing to be quite good. Me on the other hand, is seeing a different side to his happy, rainy days. Conferring with Dr. Beegle all week long in trying to figure out what is happening with my feet swelling up, a dry cough, wheezing, even moving throws me into a huffing and puffing fit that I have to pace myself with not walking, in my case, dawdling along slower than a sloth.
Well, another medical mystery to solve. Dr. Beegle sent me off to get an x-ray as he was wondering if I had pneumonia. This is pretty problematic for me as it doesn't show up easily. So, off to Dr. Dygert only to find that they could not read the x-ray stat. I was in need of a stat x-ray so that Dr. Beegle could figure out what to do with me. He thought about putting me on an antibiotic, but when the results came in-no pneumonia. So, no meds.
By Saturday morning, I could hear a rattle in my chest. I thought, here we go again. Definitely not wanting to end up in the E.R. room at Albany Med., I gave a call to Albany Med. and the doctor on duty. Once you call in, you have to wait for them to call back. As they didn't call back as soon as they usually do, I was becoming a bit concerned as my pharmacy closes in the afternoon.
Finally, the doctor called back to say he would check my files. Dr. Beegle and I had discussed this as he wasn't going to be on duty this weekend. In Dr. Beegle style, he said that reading my 16 charts would be like trying to read War and Peace in an hour. There was just too much know about me. Imagine that? I must be one interesting case. Actually, my case is so complex that diagnosing me, treating me, tests results, blood work, etc. has caused them to require quite a space for all my papers. I sound like a convict-I call to check in on a regular basis, they've kept records on me since 2003, do regular blood work to check various levels to see if all systems are a go, can't leave the area without checking in to check out. While you get the whole mug shot view.
The only thing that throws people is the oxygen line. I find that young children are so curious. They stare trying to figure out what is going on with me. Meanwhile, the parents drag the kids along as they crane their necks to see if what they saw is really there. It is interesting see their facial expressions.
Since my medical history reads like whatever book you find to be the most boring, the doctor on call consulted with two other lung doctors and they decided to have me take Levaquin. So, day two on more meds. and I feel like a Mac ran over me-not the McDonald's kind. Yikes!
We ventured out as Kohl's was holding washing clothes and a big ole picture frame for me. If you don't pick them up within a week, then you lose them to the shelves. Before tackling Kohl's, we had lunch with my nephew. The humidity was so bad that I didn't eat all that much or maybe it was the combo of meds. The food was good, though. As we were being seated, one of my former students came to greet me. What a thrill! Scott I. is doing well and I was so happy to see him that I screamed and poor Mom and Derrick about flew under the table. We chatted a bit about his college days. It was so neat to see him. It felt like a mini BG reunion right there in the Olive Garden. If Olive is in the Garden, where is Popeye?
Off to Kohl's where Mom checked on my wash clothes and I waited for the restroom facilities to reopen. I don't know why it was taking the man so long in the ladies facilities to clean as we were all commiserating about the need for entry into the kingdom of thrones. Finally, fearing that the ladies were ready to rebel, I took charge and out maneuvered the cleaning cart with all sorts of cleaning supplies with George, my ever present O2 guy to yell, "Are you done in there as we all need to use the facilities out here?" Looking back at the growing gaggle of women, I said, "Ladies we're flushing that fellow out of there," much to every one's amusement.
Out the fellow came only to discover a bevy of beauties awaiting his arrival. I am sure he felt blessed by all of our presence. He ruminated with me about the placement of bathroom facilities and why weren't they placed in the front of store as well as the back of the store. Good point, if you are handicapped. Mom says that they put the precious porcelain in the back, so you discover more things to buy en route. Well, talk about talking trash, there were plastic bags of trash from the female side of the restrooms you had to dodge and weave through. What a maze to the bathroom. So much for actually shopping.
After our bathroom tour at Kohl's, we went to A.C. Moore's for benefit supplies that my sister needs for my lung transplant benefit. Tiff referred to this holy craft place for crafts as the China junk shop. I left Mom to her own devices there as I was a bit light headed. I figured I was safer in the car seat than on my feet. I said to Mom if I hit the floor, just call 911. Poor Mom, just another rainy day with Marge.
My nephew had helped me to the car and tucked me in. He is such a sweetie as we were a little bit late as I had to hit the bathroom facilities en route. I was speeding at 65, when my Mom said, "Don't you know that the speed limit is 55 here?" "Yes," I responded, but I am in need of a bathroom ASAP. "Well,"declared Mom, "wonder if the police stop you, then what are you going to do?" "Tell him the truth, look out, I have to go to the bathroom," I replied. I am sure this is a common excuse for many folks caught speeding, but in my case, there is no denying my need for the facilities.
Aren't our conversations titillating? We know more about off and on ramp bathrooms than you would ever want to know about. All, I know is that when nature calls, who cares whether it is raining or not.
Please make sure you don't squeeze the Charmin. Some toilet paper is so thin, you couldn't squeeze it if you wanted to. I'll leave it the Charmin man.
May bathrooms on your highways be plentiful and no sign stating that they under "construction or destruction ."
Well, another medical mystery to solve. Dr. Beegle sent me off to get an x-ray as he was wondering if I had pneumonia. This is pretty problematic for me as it doesn't show up easily. So, off to Dr. Dygert only to find that they could not read the x-ray stat. I was in need of a stat x-ray so that Dr. Beegle could figure out what to do with me. He thought about putting me on an antibiotic, but when the results came in-no pneumonia. So, no meds.
By Saturday morning, I could hear a rattle in my chest. I thought, here we go again. Definitely not wanting to end up in the E.R. room at Albany Med., I gave a call to Albany Med. and the doctor on duty. Once you call in, you have to wait for them to call back. As they didn't call back as soon as they usually do, I was becoming a bit concerned as my pharmacy closes in the afternoon.
Finally, the doctor called back to say he would check my files. Dr. Beegle and I had discussed this as he wasn't going to be on duty this weekend. In Dr. Beegle style, he said that reading my 16 charts would be like trying to read War and Peace in an hour. There was just too much know about me. Imagine that? I must be one interesting case. Actually, my case is so complex that diagnosing me, treating me, tests results, blood work, etc. has caused them to require quite a space for all my papers. I sound like a convict-I call to check in on a regular basis, they've kept records on me since 2003, do regular blood work to check various levels to see if all systems are a go, can't leave the area without checking in to check out. While you get the whole mug shot view.
The only thing that throws people is the oxygen line. I find that young children are so curious. They stare trying to figure out what is going on with me. Meanwhile, the parents drag the kids along as they crane their necks to see if what they saw is really there. It is interesting see their facial expressions.
Since my medical history reads like whatever book you find to be the most boring, the doctor on call consulted with two other lung doctors and they decided to have me take Levaquin. So, day two on more meds. and I feel like a Mac ran over me-not the McDonald's kind. Yikes!
We ventured out as Kohl's was holding washing clothes and a big ole picture frame for me. If you don't pick them up within a week, then you lose them to the shelves. Before tackling Kohl's, we had lunch with my nephew. The humidity was so bad that I didn't eat all that much or maybe it was the combo of meds. The food was good, though. As we were being seated, one of my former students came to greet me. What a thrill! Scott I. is doing well and I was so happy to see him that I screamed and poor Mom and Derrick about flew under the table. We chatted a bit about his college days. It was so neat to see him. It felt like a mini BG reunion right there in the Olive Garden. If Olive is in the Garden, where is Popeye?
Off to Kohl's where Mom checked on my wash clothes and I waited for the restroom facilities to reopen. I don't know why it was taking the man so long in the ladies facilities to clean as we were all commiserating about the need for entry into the kingdom of thrones. Finally, fearing that the ladies were ready to rebel, I took charge and out maneuvered the cleaning cart with all sorts of cleaning supplies with George, my ever present O2 guy to yell, "Are you done in there as we all need to use the facilities out here?" Looking back at the growing gaggle of women, I said, "Ladies we're flushing that fellow out of there," much to every one's amusement.
Out the fellow came only to discover a bevy of beauties awaiting his arrival. I am sure he felt blessed by all of our presence. He ruminated with me about the placement of bathroom facilities and why weren't they placed in the front of store as well as the back of the store. Good point, if you are handicapped. Mom says that they put the precious porcelain in the back, so you discover more things to buy en route. Well, talk about talking trash, there were plastic bags of trash from the female side of the restrooms you had to dodge and weave through. What a maze to the bathroom. So much for actually shopping.
After our bathroom tour at Kohl's, we went to A.C. Moore's for benefit supplies that my sister needs for my lung transplant benefit. Tiff referred to this holy craft place for crafts as the China junk shop. I left Mom to her own devices there as I was a bit light headed. I figured I was safer in the car seat than on my feet. I said to Mom if I hit the floor, just call 911. Poor Mom, just another rainy day with Marge.
My nephew had helped me to the car and tucked me in. He is such a sweetie as we were a little bit late as I had to hit the bathroom facilities en route. I was speeding at 65, when my Mom said, "Don't you know that the speed limit is 55 here?" "Yes," I responded, but I am in need of a bathroom ASAP. "Well,"declared Mom, "wonder if the police stop you, then what are you going to do?" "Tell him the truth, look out, I have to go to the bathroom," I replied. I am sure this is a common excuse for many folks caught speeding, but in my case, there is no denying my need for the facilities.
Aren't our conversations titillating? We know more about off and on ramp bathrooms than you would ever want to know about. All, I know is that when nature calls, who cares whether it is raining or not.
Please make sure you don't squeeze the Charmin. Some toilet paper is so thin, you couldn't squeeze it if you wanted to. I'll leave it the Charmin man.
May bathrooms on your highways be plentiful and no sign stating that they under "construction or destruction ."
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Homecoming for Barnie!
Handsome Barnie Bear arrived today and no less by automobile. How did Jeff fit Barnie in his backseat? Barnie is quite large and just bearly managed to be seat belted in. Mom retrieved a dolly trolley for Barnie and both Mom and Jeff pushed, dragged Barnie to his favorite spot in front of Mom's big bay type window.
Mom and I can see Barnie's profile out the window. I have had several conversations with Barnie today and I do believe he is happy here at the Tiffany Hotel and Restaurant. He has his fishing pole in hand and he is looking mighty fine. Jeff touched Barnie up a little as traveling caused him a few bear spots. He is looking spiffy, if I don't say so myself.
Jeff had been up for 24 hours straight as he has a night job and then he had to attend to family matters and then there was Barnie to deliver. Well, Barnie behaved himself for Jeff on the jaunt over here.
My friend, Jean K. took wonderful pictures of Barnie as she admired his beauty. We have become rather attached to Barnie. Mom may not let me take Barnie to his new home with me as she likes him too. Meanwhile, I told Mom that I had chit chatted with Barnie this evening while she was out with friends seeing the Patsy Cline show (one of her birthday gifts from me). She looked at me and said "Did anyone see you?" I said I didn't know and she retorted that people would think I am nuts talking to Barnie.
Well, that wouldn't be the first nutty thing I ever did in my life.
As Jean and I were looking out the bay window, Jean exclaimed that as a car was driving by, they were checking out Barnie. Well, I knew I had a good looking guy and cars slowing down to check him out, only reaffirms that Barnie is one hunk of a bear.
So, it is nighty night for Barnie and I as Barnie plans on fishing and I plan on seeing what Mom and I can conjure up. No doubt, a little something!!!
May you talk to inanimate things, so that I don't look too crazy. Stop by and chat with Barnie yourself. He is very personable and will greet you with a smile and a fish.
Mom and I can see Barnie's profile out the window. I have had several conversations with Barnie today and I do believe he is happy here at the Tiffany Hotel and Restaurant. He has his fishing pole in hand and he is looking mighty fine. Jeff touched Barnie up a little as traveling caused him a few bear spots. He is looking spiffy, if I don't say so myself.
Jeff had been up for 24 hours straight as he has a night job and then he had to attend to family matters and then there was Barnie to deliver. Well, Barnie behaved himself for Jeff on the jaunt over here.
My friend, Jean K. took wonderful pictures of Barnie as she admired his beauty. We have become rather attached to Barnie. Mom may not let me take Barnie to his new home with me as she likes him too. Meanwhile, I told Mom that I had chit chatted with Barnie this evening while she was out with friends seeing the Patsy Cline show (one of her birthday gifts from me). She looked at me and said "Did anyone see you?" I said I didn't know and she retorted that people would think I am nuts talking to Barnie.
Well, that wouldn't be the first nutty thing I ever did in my life.
As Jean and I were looking out the bay window, Jean exclaimed that as a car was driving by, they were checking out Barnie. Well, I knew I had a good looking guy and cars slowing down to check him out, only reaffirms that Barnie is one hunk of a bear.
So, it is nighty night for Barnie and I as Barnie plans on fishing and I plan on seeing what Mom and I can conjure up. No doubt, a little something!!!
May you talk to inanimate things, so that I don't look too crazy. Stop by and chat with Barnie yourself. He is very personable and will greet you with a smile and a fish.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Looking for Heather? and a Whole Lot More!
I sent out a note in search of Heather, who is fighting WG and trying to keep custody of her children from her less than stellar ex. We hadn't heard from Heather in a few weeks and I was really concerned as to what was going on. Was her WG worse? Was the ex still coming off as the Saint that we know he ain't? Much to my relieve, Heather posted. You won't believe what you will read next. Heather and are in the same boat, paddling in the same direction and leaving a ripple behind of where we've been, but we are still paddling and looking forward. Hopefully, the next bend will be full of good surprises for us both. Heather's e-mail goes like this...
Hi Everyone.
Lots to read and catch up on - first of all, Steve, congrats. I dream of hearing the word, 'remission'. I retained an attorney this week in my domestic case.
For those that don't know or recall, when my ex discovered that I had Wegner's, he decided that he'd file for custody of my children.My lawyer was great and says that my ex will legally be bound by the court order - and that we should be able to settle it quickly once he retains a lawyer.
Yesterday, I heard from his lawyer that he wants to 'settle' the matter. Life goes on...I will keep you posted.I am feeling very depressed. In addition to the personal matter with the kids, I am watching my law practice fall by the wayside - and my home go into forclosure. The fatigue is amazing. I'm take an antidepressant, and have been for awhile, and started therapy for someone else to talk to, but mornings are tough. I'm on Imuran and weaning off prednisone. I started at 60 mgs. about 5 months ago.
Everytime I reduce the amount by 5 mgs, I have extreme body pain everywhere. My MD says it's prednisone withdrawl. Has anyone else experienced this? What do you do to combat this fatigue?Do other's deal with this depression, or do I need to 'suck it up' like my father would have said if he were alive. I'm having a harder time getting up every day. Pain, fatigue, etc...Friday, I've got an appointment with a facial pain specialist at Hopkins. I've got trigeminal neuralgia b/c the wegner's have eaten so close to this major nerve.Are there any others out there with WG and TN? If so, I'll let you know what they say. I'm currently on Oxycontin and Oxycodone for 'break through' pain.
Thanks for any advice.
Heather
Here's my post to Heather.
Hi Heather,
Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch. I, too, was in pain-especially my back, that I would cry because it hurt so bad. I even called my sister, who is a nurse. She said to put a pillow between my legs, when I sleep on my side. I do it without thinking about it, now. I used a heating pad and it helped. No more than 15 minutes at a time, though.
Have you tried the pain patches? You have to change them every three days. My step dad used those and they worked well. I know that when my prednisone was below 10 mg, then my joints in my hands, feet, knees, etc. ached. Does your doctor have any other suggestions for you? I was told not to do a massage because of the prednisone. Your tissue and bones can be injured fairly easily because the prednisone wreaks havoc on your bones. Are you taking Fosamax once a week? This will keep you from getting osteoporosis.
I can imagine your depression. It is hard to force yourself to do things, when you don't feel well. When I couldn't do anything and I mean anything.(My mom had to put me in the shower, get me out of the shower, I sat on a shower chair in the shower, Mom wiped me down, helped me dress as I had all I could do to get to the couch and lie down) She made me lunch and took care of me for 2 and 1/2 years faithfully. I am waiting for a lung transplant and my mom is the wind beneath my broken wings, until I can fly once again on my own.
Have faith that your condition will improve. I think that once your ex-husband situation is over, you will feel better. To combat what I was going through, I read all the time. That was all that I could do. It kept me focused. Like you,few people understand about the reality of WG in your daily life.
I am in the process of a divorce because my soon to be ex couldn't handle me being sick, so he took it out on me, heaping verbal abuse upon me daily-day and night. My poor mom was beside herself as she wanted me to move in with her. I was so sick, I couldn't even defend myself. This does not include his children, who have been abusive since the day I married their father. After getting sick, I realized that the kids were just like their father. Very scary!!!
Even though I need a lung transplant, I am much happier at my mom's. I should have baled out from the beginning. What a lesson to learn, unfortunately.
So, Heather, keep us posted on your progress and what your doctors suggest.
Wishing you the best.
Marge
More from Heather...
Marge,
Thank you for the reply. I have been a single mom for 1o years and thought I finally met the man of my dreams. He cared for me and my 2 awesome children while I was desperately ill. In May, I was diagnosed and began treatment.
Since then, my white knight thinks I should be capable of more....as an attorney...making money...taking care of the house...making gourment meals....you name it. I feel a growing resentment. It makes my heart ache, b/c I thought he was perfect.
It's the lack of money that drives him crazy; it has changed his personality fundamentally. I used to make well over 100K as an attorney. I think I made $3,500 in the past year - pushing myself to write an amicus brief and hold onto a few national clients. But I think I am loosing the battle. I am thinking about closing the office, quitting the practice of law...after 17 years. It would be a difficult career to continue since stress can yank a Weggie out of remission. I used to live on adreneline and have so many proffessional accomplishiments.
I only wish I could achive a personal accomplishment - a happy marriage. I think Wegener's has ruined that chance for me.It makes me sad, but things has definitely changed. He used to be a doting, caring, emotionally available, man - in addition to the sexy, intelligent, strong and steady kind. Never met anyone like him... but things are not going well. I think WEGENER'S can kill anyone in it's path - not just the person dealing with it.
GOD BLESS YOU.
Heather
Our Heather needs are blessings and I sent her the following- a true account of my so called marriage. Mom would not approve of me doing this as I would be airing dirty laundry-but I am coming clean in order to help someone else, especially Heather. I would rather tell the truth and know that if I can save one person, mind you , one person, then I have fulfilled my duty in life. To help those in need as I have been helped. If you don't want to read about my dirty laundry, then reel in the clothesline and shut her down. If you can learn from my experience and have a better life, then my ten years of ______here on earth will not have been in vain.
Hi Heather,
You have courage and fortitude that will pull you through.
As far as this fellow in your life, you are seeing his true colors. Sorry to be blunt, but what you are currently going through was what I went through.
My husband back in the beginning was thrilled to be married to me because in hindsight, I paid all the bills pretty much. Car insurance for 5 vehicles, though I owned only one of them, grocery bills, Sam Club's bills to the tune of $300 per visit, phone bill, prepaid the oil bill, so that he would have money to send his kids to college.
Also, I paid the taxes-town, school to the tune of $6,000 and also, our yearly taxes. He was getting a free ride. He had money to put into a retirement without my knowledge. Meanwhile, I didn't have enough to do that as I was paying the bills. Silly me.
Meanwhile, he made out like he didn't have much money. So, me being me, I paid the bills. The back of his old farm type house needed to be fixed as the foundation was giving way. I invested over $10,000 to fix it and upgrade the back of the house with a new bathroom with a big stand up shower. His parents were/are elderly and it was much easier for them to use this bathroom.
I had the side porch completely enclosed and redone. Meanwhile, his kids threw a fit that they wanted it the way their mother had it. It was a wreck and needed fixing. They went to the store to find the paint and wallpaper when they realized they weren't going to win that battle. It was a whole lot of nonsense.
When we finally sold the house, the only reason it sold was because of the new porch-the lady has tons of plants in there and calls it her Florida room and the new bathroom with the washer and dryer there. I just saw them this past weekend.
Well, when I fell sick and could no longer work, he was not a happy camper. According to him, I was ruining his life, he had no social life because of me (meanwhile, he had no social life before I came into his life) His friends now are the people I introduced him to. I was going to bankrupt him because of my medical condition.
When I became so seriously ill, I took the A Plan, which cost more in premiums, but paid for everything, including my frequent ambulance rides. He told me not to get a lung transplant because it was too much for him. I couldn't expect him to live in Pitts., PA for three months after the surgery and take care of me, because it was too much for him and besides, my mom was too old to go through this too. I needed to think of him and my mom and not have a lung transplant. Also, he informed me that we would be living in a cardboard box with a tin roof.
I could go on for ten more years about theses yahoos.Oh, when he started paying some of the bills, he complained bitterly. An $80 food bill was bankrupting him, though 1/3 of it was for beer. He started drinking heavily this past year.
Meanwhile, when his kids were home, I was spending a heck of a lot more and I didn't say a word to him about the expense.
Well, his true colors came through loud and clear when I was diagnosed with an unknown vasculitis and Pulmonary Hypertension. These types of fellows "love" you when you are footing the bills, making them comfortable-doing the meals, laundry, cleaning, etc. They have it on easy street, but when the road becomes bumpy, they don't want to "take it." They don't step up to the plate as my counselor says.
Speaking of counselors, find yourself a good one and explain what you are going through and no doubt, s/he should be able to give you strategies. To be perfectly honest, when I finally decided to get out of my no win situation, a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. Health wise and mental wise, I am doing so much better. You might find this to be your case, too. I can empathize and sympathize with you as we are walking down the same path.
Have you consulted with a second WG doctor? Perhaps, a new doc. could add more to your care and make you feel better. As far as giving up your job, I had to leave teaching. I LOVED my job, especially the kids. They were the light of my life and they were just like my very own children because they were with me for four years 9-12. They still send me cards, call, visit and are real blessings in my life.
I wouldn't be able to return to teaching because of the germs, even after the lung transplant, so I am creating a Website for French teachers that will cost them to use for the year. I am living on disability, which isn't much compared to what I was making. So, hopefully, this will work out to help me financially. I taught French for 20 years + and took adults and students to Canada, France, Italy, etc. I took the kids every year to NY to see a French play, a French restaurant, etc.
I was so active and now, I can barely walk short distances without huffing and puffing. So, Heather, you have a lot to think about. You will have to reinvent yourself somehow. The essence of you won't change, but what you will be able to do will.
But, in the end, you are still alive and there for your kids. Money can't buy you happiness, health, love or a free ride. Perhaps, you could create a website on how to choose a lawyer, helpful hints, etc., where people pay a flat fee to glean all the info. you can provide them.
Keep us posted. If you should like to talk via the phone, e-mail me your phone number at mmottarot1@hotmail.com and I can call you.
My best to you, Heather.
Keep going. It will get better. Just another bump in the road of life. If you want, you can check out my blog at http://www.breathingtolive.blogspot.com/ and check on the train entry. It will inspire you. It did me. Let me know what you think.
Hugs,
Marge
You are probably thinking that I am nuts to be openly discussing this. But I have to say that it is embarrassing to me to have allowed myself to get in this situation in the first place. I always wondered why women stayed with physically and mentally abusive men and I thought it could never happen to me. I am smart, educated, have a wonderful, kind, generous, sweetest mother you could ever have ( she has given me her life so that I can live) A mother's love is never ending. I just figured that was how life is. But then the shock came of a totally dysfunctional family that thrived on their dysfunctionality and loved being the way they are. They know no better and have created their "own reality" that is so far off base that it is scary.
Consequently, I had a difficult time dealing with this constant non-reality group of yahoos running amok on a daily basis. We could never have a meal without a fight ensuing between the kids or the kids and Al. Talk about dinner time fun. We couldn't go out as a group without whining, complaining and misery surrounding them like the blanket of Linus from Peanuts. It permeated everything in their lives and mine as I was married to Al.
But, in reality, Al wasn't married to me. He never was. He finally admitted that the reason that he married me was to save him and his children from the black hole that they were living in after his poor wife had passed away.
That is entirely another story that makes me sick to my stomach with what she had to endure at the hands of her so called husband and so called children. I don't say this lightly as I have heard from many people the sad tale. So not am I only speaking on my behalf, but also on the behalf of this woman I never knew. She doesn't have a voice because she is dead. So, I am her voice and mine too. And I really don't give a darn whether people like it or not. It needs to be said.
Am I disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen to me? You betcha. Am I getting over it? Yes, on my good days. The bad days are when people say to me that they feel so badly about what happened and that I didn't deserve that type of treatment from him or his kids. They, also, tell me how abusive Al was to Kathy and how the girls never helped their mother when she was sick, but Sam did.Kudos to Sam. This was from Al's own family members that told me that. It is so sad that it breaks my heart. A dying woman left in the clutches of those people. If anyone should get and be in Heaven, then it is Al's first wife as she deserved so much better than what she got.
They are so disrespectful, that for years, I paid for the flowers to be put on her grave. I felt so sorry for her. I would purchase flowers at Noxon's Frog Pond and ask Sam to pick out the flowers that he wanted for his mom. Then, he and Al would go and plant them. Or so, Al said.
His daughter called to say that she had discovered flowers on her mother's grave and why wasn't she informed of this? Why wasn't she included? Let's see, there wouldn't have been any flowers if I hadn't paid for them and insisted that they be planted in honor and respect for their mother.
Secondly, when I first married Al, I asked him to take them all to the cemetery and plant flowers only to have Sara and Becky throw a hissy fit that they would not go with their father or Sam to put flowers on her grave. They physically threw themselves around and drove off to God knows where. Al was devastated and I was appalled. I couldn't even say anything because I had never in my entire life seen such actions. This was constant and I could never adjust to these wacky, crazy, disrespectful actions. The poor mother.
Instead of telling Becky the truth of who made sure her mother had flowers at the cemetery, I kept my mouth shut. But no longer! They can't do me anymore harm as they have done the worst. The only thing left for them to do is knock me off. I know they were hoping for that when I got sick. But, once again, I disappointed them. Aw, shucks. The she devils were disappointed once again. They came to the hospital to gloat about me being so very ill. They wanted to see first hand my supposed demise.
My confidence in Al, to tell the truth is nonexistent, at this point. Though, when I bring up these items of him and his children not telling the truth, he accuses me of picking on him. For crying out loud, the man is 54 and he can't deal with hearing the truth as if I could make up all of this. Please, spare me and everyone else he has lied to along with his kids.
During the divorce process, Al has said some rather nasty, untrue statements about me within the hearing of some BG students, who unbeknownst to me, came to my defense. I've said repeatedly and I will continue to say that my kids at BG were the best. I loved them all and I think that they knew this as they have stood up for me time and time again. I bless them for telling the truth and being honest whereas the husband I thought I married turned out to be ______________ and his children no better. It is a disgrace that Al and his children have maligned me so, when I gave them everything I had, even my health. They still can't tell the truth, nor be honest with themselves, each other and their friends and family. It is truly a sad day for me to have learned this.
After confronting Al about his untruthful remarks about me robbing him of his Mustang and the furniture, which is still there by the way. Their animals ruined perfectly good furniture and why would I want the nasty stuff! I had all new furniture myself when I moved there only to have them damage and destroy it. Of course, they would never tell the truth about stealing my possessions and hiding and destroying them. They destroyed several sentimental items that were given to me by special people in my life.
The one that broke my heart was from my step dad, who spoiled me in a good way. He was generous to everyone. I would record French music for my kids at school and give them the music on cassette tapes. I always would go to my parents to fast dub the tapes as I would have to do 20+ tapes at a time. My step dad would joke with me about it.
One day, my parents showed up with my very own radio, cassette dubbing machine for me to use at my house. Well, Al's kids destroyed this without admitting to it nor apologizing. I went off to the repairman in Bainbridge-the fellow across the bridge and he said it was not worth fixing as it would cost me more to have it repaired than to buy a new one. Did Al ever do anything about this? Why no. His cherubs wouldn't do any such thing.
Meanwhile, my BG kids overhead Al talking to the new woman in his life, who wasn't so new after all- another story that he denies-but people once again feeling bad for me, have told me the truth-Al denies once again his involvement in these loathsome activities-but as you can tell, I have had enough of being unfairly slandered by him, his kids and their so called friends.
Furthermore, he keeps telling me that he hasn't done any of these things and he swears on his wife's grave. That's a real good one, let me tell you. I informed him to let her rest in peace. He and his kids have used her death to the hilt for sympathy, manupilative purposes, etc. Enough already. This has been going on for well over ten years. Just let her be, for goodness sake. Not to mention that Becky and the wonderkin Cory asked people to donate to the cancer society in her mother's honor. What a great show for those all attending, while the gravesite of her mother was in deplorable condition, not a flower in sight, only a mass of weeds. Talk about disrespect, Becky has it in spades. She sure did look good to those attending, but the dirty little secret is out.
By the way, what I am saying here is nothing that good ole Al hasn't heard from me. If you want to know if I am telling you the truth about it, feel free to call him at 607-967-4600 and I am sure he will enlighten you.
Speaking of Kathy's grave, when Al was here I told him that he needed to apologize for maligning my mom, which was the straw that broke this camel's back when I left. I will take abuse, but when you start on my mom, you had better run for cover because I am relentless and I will run you over if it is my last breath and I don't say that lightly as I am on oxygen. After my shaming him into apologizing to my mom, I told him to go and clean up the cemetary and put flowers there for Kathy with his kids.
This evening as I let him have it for being such a ______________, he told me that he had cleaned up the gravesite and put flowers there. If he did this, then perhaps, he has learned a little something about respect. I shouldn't have to tell him this, though. Once again, if he loved his wife, he would have been doing this all along.
You are probably wondering why I can't let go, since I am out of the live reality show that doesn't need a script, only a camera crew to follow the yahoos and the new woman in Al's life that he is madly in love with. He hasn't moved her in yet as people have already told him what a loser he is. Well, he doesn't want to admit to the fact that he is less than honest, so if he moves his new woman in, it only proves what a __________he really is. But, as I told him tonight, we all know the truth, so show her over the threshold and put her horses in your pole barn minus the Mustang that I supposedly stole from him.
Well, what did get me all revved up? It was Al asking me to have my lawyer, remember Al didn't want a lawyer because it would cost him MONEY, even though I advised him numerous times to do so and my lawyer even advised him of this, write a letter stating that this was it, there would be no changes in our agreement.
So, in essence, Al was insinuating once again that I was taking advantage of him. Imagine that?!! Well, I heard that about once too many times. So, the good people of Bainbridge heard me in the street in front of the pharmacy letting Al know just what I thought about who was robbing who. Instead of owning up to his insinuation and blaming me for misunderstanding him-oh, everybody else's fault, except his own in his book of lies- this continued on into the town hall, where he told me to calm down. Calm down after being talked to this way and hearing all the Kathy and Al stories, the new woman stories. What planet does he think I am living on anyways? Well, the good folks in the town hall got an ear full and frankly, I didn't give a hoot. Of course, Al didn't want me bringing up any of this because he would look like a _______________________and rightfully so.
Does the apples not fall far from the tree? Who would have thunk that Newton's Law of gravity would prove the Arotsky Theorem that you are what your parents make you and teach you-the supposed role model for being a good, upright citizen. Where did they get lost? And why don't they try to get back on track? I don't have the answers and I suspect that I never will. The problem is that they are narcisstic-money first, me second, my pets maybe and to heck with the rest-you exist in their life only to be used and when they can't use you anymore, you are kicked to the curb like yesterday's trash and if you are their friend, then you are just like them.
In my phone "conversation" with Al, he asked me when I would stop hounding him, picking on him and his cherubs, we are getting a divorce-why can't I just let it go, he asks innocently, as if he has no clue. Well, here is the clue that I told Al, as soon as you stop telling lies about me and your kids stop lying about me, then I will not be calling you on your deplorable behavior. It seems that I am the only one, who tells him to knock his crap off.
Furthermore, I told him I will be happy to put in the paper what I received from the legal separation agreement and what he received. He knows and I know that he got the better deal all the way around. He got rid of me and my health issues and he kept the property on Searles Hill Road. He does not want me to put this in the newspaper at all. Hmm.. I wonder why not???!!!
I, also, told him that I would also declare in the newspaper that I would not seek anymore of his assets as he felt that me receiving 50% of the appraised value of the house and property was too much. In his words, he should have had 60% and me 40%, but lucky for me, New York state says 50-50. Is he worth my breath? Not at all, but for Kathy and myself having lived through what we did, I have to tell the truth. She deserved better and I deserved better.
When you don't have a conscience, moral fiber, truth, honesty, love, self respect and respect for others, you end up like this totally dsyfunctional family. They need blessings because they have missed the meaning of life entirely. They will have left this Earth no wiser, no happier, no healthier, no more anything. What a shame. You can always learn from your mistakes and become a better person. Then, people like me can say, at least they got the meaning and made themselves be better human beings, but when you know your faults and you don't want to deal with them, then I have no sympathy or tolerance for you. This entry proves it hands down.
I wouldn't have revealed this, but I am done being pushed around and verbally attacked and now I am simply telling the truth. Enough is enough.
I, also, told Al that I have my checkbook records to prove how much money I spent on him and his kids. My first year into the marriage, $50, 000. Multiply that by 10 years- an average amount. I offered to have the bank pull these checks and send them to him and if he was so inclined, he could start making restitution on a monthly basis. So once again, who robbed who? You do the math.
At the end of the conversation, he said that a newspaper will not print our legal separation agreement in the newspaper, nor will they print me stating that I will not "rob" him of anything else.
Well, I'll be busy tomorrow ringing up the newspapers to find out. Al wanted a letter from my lawyer stating that the legal separation is final and that I won't get anything more. Well, I have no problem stating what I received and what he received. There will be the proof that he has requested in black and white and for everyone to see. So,when he and his kids start trashing me and lying about me, the newspaper has it all.
When you make mistakes, admit it, fix it, apologize and don't do it again. You can be forgiven for that, but when you continue to lie, not accept responsibility for your lies, then you can not be forgiven in my book. We can all make improvements in our lives and how we treat one another. I know that I am not perfect as I told Al, but I can look in the mirror and know that I have done the right things in my life- the important things that count. He, on the other hand, looks in mirror and I don't have a clue what he sees. He probably doesn't know either. I told him to quit his drinking as he claims he had no clue that he even said such salacious things about me. Was he so drunk with his new woman, that he forgot what he said or did he merely "forget" like his kids did when they broke all my stuff or stole it or hid it. They don't even tell each other the truth. The only thing they all agreed upon was running me out of their dsyfunctional family.
I should have rode out of Dodge when I could have done it on my own.
If you see Mom out and about, please do not mention this to her as it only upsets her. This is my business and what stays on the blog, stays on the blog. My mom doesn't need to know or be reminded of my past ten years. She already knows the price I have paid and it only makes her feel helpless and sick.
Hi Everyone.
Lots to read and catch up on - first of all, Steve, congrats. I dream of hearing the word, 'remission'. I retained an attorney this week in my domestic case.
For those that don't know or recall, when my ex discovered that I had Wegner's, he decided that he'd file for custody of my children.My lawyer was great and says that my ex will legally be bound by the court order - and that we should be able to settle it quickly once he retains a lawyer.
Yesterday, I heard from his lawyer that he wants to 'settle' the matter. Life goes on...I will keep you posted.I am feeling very depressed. In addition to the personal matter with the kids, I am watching my law practice fall by the wayside - and my home go into forclosure. The fatigue is amazing. I'm take an antidepressant, and have been for awhile, and started therapy for someone else to talk to, but mornings are tough. I'm on Imuran and weaning off prednisone. I started at 60 mgs. about 5 months ago.
Everytime I reduce the amount by 5 mgs, I have extreme body pain everywhere. My MD says it's prednisone withdrawl. Has anyone else experienced this? What do you do to combat this fatigue?Do other's deal with this depression, or do I need to 'suck it up' like my father would have said if he were alive. I'm having a harder time getting up every day. Pain, fatigue, etc...Friday, I've got an appointment with a facial pain specialist at Hopkins. I've got trigeminal neuralgia b/c the wegner's have eaten so close to this major nerve.Are there any others out there with WG and TN? If so, I'll let you know what they say. I'm currently on Oxycontin and Oxycodone for 'break through' pain.
Thanks for any advice.
Heather
Here's my post to Heather.
Hi Heather,
Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough patch. I, too, was in pain-especially my back, that I would cry because it hurt so bad. I even called my sister, who is a nurse. She said to put a pillow between my legs, when I sleep on my side. I do it without thinking about it, now. I used a heating pad and it helped. No more than 15 minutes at a time, though.
Have you tried the pain patches? You have to change them every three days. My step dad used those and they worked well. I know that when my prednisone was below 10 mg, then my joints in my hands, feet, knees, etc. ached. Does your doctor have any other suggestions for you? I was told not to do a massage because of the prednisone. Your tissue and bones can be injured fairly easily because the prednisone wreaks havoc on your bones. Are you taking Fosamax once a week? This will keep you from getting osteoporosis.
I can imagine your depression. It is hard to force yourself to do things, when you don't feel well. When I couldn't do anything and I mean anything.(My mom had to put me in the shower, get me out of the shower, I sat on a shower chair in the shower, Mom wiped me down, helped me dress as I had all I could do to get to the couch and lie down) She made me lunch and took care of me for 2 and 1/2 years faithfully. I am waiting for a lung transplant and my mom is the wind beneath my broken wings, until I can fly once again on my own.
Have faith that your condition will improve. I think that once your ex-husband situation is over, you will feel better. To combat what I was going through, I read all the time. That was all that I could do. It kept me focused. Like you,few people understand about the reality of WG in your daily life.
I am in the process of a divorce because my soon to be ex couldn't handle me being sick, so he took it out on me, heaping verbal abuse upon me daily-day and night. My poor mom was beside herself as she wanted me to move in with her. I was so sick, I couldn't even defend myself. This does not include his children, who have been abusive since the day I married their father. After getting sick, I realized that the kids were just like their father. Very scary!!!
Even though I need a lung transplant, I am much happier at my mom's. I should have baled out from the beginning. What a lesson to learn, unfortunately.
So, Heather, keep us posted on your progress and what your doctors suggest.
Wishing you the best.
Marge
More from Heather...
Marge,
Thank you for the reply. I have been a single mom for 1o years and thought I finally met the man of my dreams. He cared for me and my 2 awesome children while I was desperately ill. In May, I was diagnosed and began treatment.
Since then, my white knight thinks I should be capable of more....as an attorney...making money...taking care of the house...making gourment meals....you name it. I feel a growing resentment. It makes my heart ache, b/c I thought he was perfect.
It's the lack of money that drives him crazy; it has changed his personality fundamentally. I used to make well over 100K as an attorney. I think I made $3,500 in the past year - pushing myself to write an amicus brief and hold onto a few national clients. But I think I am loosing the battle. I am thinking about closing the office, quitting the practice of law...after 17 years. It would be a difficult career to continue since stress can yank a Weggie out of remission. I used to live on adreneline and have so many proffessional accomplishiments.
I only wish I could achive a personal accomplishment - a happy marriage. I think Wegener's has ruined that chance for me.It makes me sad, but things has definitely changed. He used to be a doting, caring, emotionally available, man - in addition to the sexy, intelligent, strong and steady kind. Never met anyone like him... but things are not going well. I think WEGENER'S can kill anyone in it's path - not just the person dealing with it.
GOD BLESS YOU.
Heather
Our Heather needs are blessings and I sent her the following- a true account of my so called marriage. Mom would not approve of me doing this as I would be airing dirty laundry-but I am coming clean in order to help someone else, especially Heather. I would rather tell the truth and know that if I can save one person, mind you , one person, then I have fulfilled my duty in life. To help those in need as I have been helped. If you don't want to read about my dirty laundry, then reel in the clothesline and shut her down. If you can learn from my experience and have a better life, then my ten years of ______here on earth will not have been in vain.
Hi Heather,
You have courage and fortitude that will pull you through.
As far as this fellow in your life, you are seeing his true colors. Sorry to be blunt, but what you are currently going through was what I went through.
My husband back in the beginning was thrilled to be married to me because in hindsight, I paid all the bills pretty much. Car insurance for 5 vehicles, though I owned only one of them, grocery bills, Sam Club's bills to the tune of $300 per visit, phone bill, prepaid the oil bill, so that he would have money to send his kids to college.
Also, I paid the taxes-town, school to the tune of $6,000 and also, our yearly taxes. He was getting a free ride. He had money to put into a retirement without my knowledge. Meanwhile, I didn't have enough to do that as I was paying the bills. Silly me.
Meanwhile, he made out like he didn't have much money. So, me being me, I paid the bills. The back of his old farm type house needed to be fixed as the foundation was giving way. I invested over $10,000 to fix it and upgrade the back of the house with a new bathroom with a big stand up shower. His parents were/are elderly and it was much easier for them to use this bathroom.
I had the side porch completely enclosed and redone. Meanwhile, his kids threw a fit that they wanted it the way their mother had it. It was a wreck and needed fixing. They went to the store to find the paint and wallpaper when they realized they weren't going to win that battle. It was a whole lot of nonsense.
When we finally sold the house, the only reason it sold was because of the new porch-the lady has tons of plants in there and calls it her Florida room and the new bathroom with the washer and dryer there. I just saw them this past weekend.
Well, when I fell sick and could no longer work, he was not a happy camper. According to him, I was ruining his life, he had no social life because of me (meanwhile, he had no social life before I came into his life) His friends now are the people I introduced him to. I was going to bankrupt him because of my medical condition.
When I became so seriously ill, I took the A Plan, which cost more in premiums, but paid for everything, including my frequent ambulance rides. He told me not to get a lung transplant because it was too much for him. I couldn't expect him to live in Pitts., PA for three months after the surgery and take care of me, because it was too much for him and besides, my mom was too old to go through this too. I needed to think of him and my mom and not have a lung transplant. Also, he informed me that we would be living in a cardboard box with a tin roof.
I could go on for ten more years about theses yahoos.Oh, when he started paying some of the bills, he complained bitterly. An $80 food bill was bankrupting him, though 1/3 of it was for beer. He started drinking heavily this past year.
Meanwhile, when his kids were home, I was spending a heck of a lot more and I didn't say a word to him about the expense.
Well, his true colors came through loud and clear when I was diagnosed with an unknown vasculitis and Pulmonary Hypertension. These types of fellows "love" you when you are footing the bills, making them comfortable-doing the meals, laundry, cleaning, etc. They have it on easy street, but when the road becomes bumpy, they don't want to "take it." They don't step up to the plate as my counselor says.
Speaking of counselors, find yourself a good one and explain what you are going through and no doubt, s/he should be able to give you strategies. To be perfectly honest, when I finally decided to get out of my no win situation, a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. Health wise and mental wise, I am doing so much better. You might find this to be your case, too. I can empathize and sympathize with you as we are walking down the same path.
Have you consulted with a second WG doctor? Perhaps, a new doc. could add more to your care and make you feel better. As far as giving up your job, I had to leave teaching. I LOVED my job, especially the kids. They were the light of my life and they were just like my very own children because they were with me for four years 9-12. They still send me cards, call, visit and are real blessings in my life.
I wouldn't be able to return to teaching because of the germs, even after the lung transplant, so I am creating a Website for French teachers that will cost them to use for the year. I am living on disability, which isn't much compared to what I was making. So, hopefully, this will work out to help me financially. I taught French for 20 years + and took adults and students to Canada, France, Italy, etc. I took the kids every year to NY to see a French play, a French restaurant, etc.
I was so active and now, I can barely walk short distances without huffing and puffing. So, Heather, you have a lot to think about. You will have to reinvent yourself somehow. The essence of you won't change, but what you will be able to do will.
But, in the end, you are still alive and there for your kids. Money can't buy you happiness, health, love or a free ride. Perhaps, you could create a website on how to choose a lawyer, helpful hints, etc., where people pay a flat fee to glean all the info. you can provide them.
Keep us posted. If you should like to talk via the phone, e-mail me your phone number at mmottarot1@hotmail.com and I can call you.
My best to you, Heather.
Keep going. It will get better. Just another bump in the road of life. If you want, you can check out my blog at http://www.breathingtolive.blogspot.com/ and check on the train entry. It will inspire you. It did me. Let me know what you think.
Hugs,
Marge
You are probably thinking that I am nuts to be openly discussing this. But I have to say that it is embarrassing to me to have allowed myself to get in this situation in the first place. I always wondered why women stayed with physically and mentally abusive men and I thought it could never happen to me. I am smart, educated, have a wonderful, kind, generous, sweetest mother you could ever have ( she has given me her life so that I can live) A mother's love is never ending. I just figured that was how life is. But then the shock came of a totally dysfunctional family that thrived on their dysfunctionality and loved being the way they are. They know no better and have created their "own reality" that is so far off base that it is scary.
Consequently, I had a difficult time dealing with this constant non-reality group of yahoos running amok on a daily basis. We could never have a meal without a fight ensuing between the kids or the kids and Al. Talk about dinner time fun. We couldn't go out as a group without whining, complaining and misery surrounding them like the blanket of Linus from Peanuts. It permeated everything in their lives and mine as I was married to Al.
But, in reality, Al wasn't married to me. He never was. He finally admitted that the reason that he married me was to save him and his children from the black hole that they were living in after his poor wife had passed away.
That is entirely another story that makes me sick to my stomach with what she had to endure at the hands of her so called husband and so called children. I don't say this lightly as I have heard from many people the sad tale. So not am I only speaking on my behalf, but also on the behalf of this woman I never knew. She doesn't have a voice because she is dead. So, I am her voice and mine too. And I really don't give a darn whether people like it or not. It needs to be said.
Am I disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen to me? You betcha. Am I getting over it? Yes, on my good days. The bad days are when people say to me that they feel so badly about what happened and that I didn't deserve that type of treatment from him or his kids. They, also, tell me how abusive Al was to Kathy and how the girls never helped their mother when she was sick, but Sam did.Kudos to Sam. This was from Al's own family members that told me that. It is so sad that it breaks my heart. A dying woman left in the clutches of those people. If anyone should get and be in Heaven, then it is Al's first wife as she deserved so much better than what she got.
They are so disrespectful, that for years, I paid for the flowers to be put on her grave. I felt so sorry for her. I would purchase flowers at Noxon's Frog Pond and ask Sam to pick out the flowers that he wanted for his mom. Then, he and Al would go and plant them. Or so, Al said.
His daughter called to say that she had discovered flowers on her mother's grave and why wasn't she informed of this? Why wasn't she included? Let's see, there wouldn't have been any flowers if I hadn't paid for them and insisted that they be planted in honor and respect for their mother.
Secondly, when I first married Al, I asked him to take them all to the cemetery and plant flowers only to have Sara and Becky throw a hissy fit that they would not go with their father or Sam to put flowers on her grave. They physically threw themselves around and drove off to God knows where. Al was devastated and I was appalled. I couldn't even say anything because I had never in my entire life seen such actions. This was constant and I could never adjust to these wacky, crazy, disrespectful actions. The poor mother.
Instead of telling Becky the truth of who made sure her mother had flowers at the cemetery, I kept my mouth shut. But no longer! They can't do me anymore harm as they have done the worst. The only thing left for them to do is knock me off. I know they were hoping for that when I got sick. But, once again, I disappointed them. Aw, shucks. The she devils were disappointed once again. They came to the hospital to gloat about me being so very ill. They wanted to see first hand my supposed demise.
My confidence in Al, to tell the truth is nonexistent, at this point. Though, when I bring up these items of him and his children not telling the truth, he accuses me of picking on him. For crying out loud, the man is 54 and he can't deal with hearing the truth as if I could make up all of this. Please, spare me and everyone else he has lied to along with his kids.
During the divorce process, Al has said some rather nasty, untrue statements about me within the hearing of some BG students, who unbeknownst to me, came to my defense. I've said repeatedly and I will continue to say that my kids at BG were the best. I loved them all and I think that they knew this as they have stood up for me time and time again. I bless them for telling the truth and being honest whereas the husband I thought I married turned out to be ______________ and his children no better. It is a disgrace that Al and his children have maligned me so, when I gave them everything I had, even my health. They still can't tell the truth, nor be honest with themselves, each other and their friends and family. It is truly a sad day for me to have learned this.
After confronting Al about his untruthful remarks about me robbing him of his Mustang and the furniture, which is still there by the way. Their animals ruined perfectly good furniture and why would I want the nasty stuff! I had all new furniture myself when I moved there only to have them damage and destroy it. Of course, they would never tell the truth about stealing my possessions and hiding and destroying them. They destroyed several sentimental items that were given to me by special people in my life.
The one that broke my heart was from my step dad, who spoiled me in a good way. He was generous to everyone. I would record French music for my kids at school and give them the music on cassette tapes. I always would go to my parents to fast dub the tapes as I would have to do 20+ tapes at a time. My step dad would joke with me about it.
One day, my parents showed up with my very own radio, cassette dubbing machine for me to use at my house. Well, Al's kids destroyed this without admitting to it nor apologizing. I went off to the repairman in Bainbridge-the fellow across the bridge and he said it was not worth fixing as it would cost me more to have it repaired than to buy a new one. Did Al ever do anything about this? Why no. His cherubs wouldn't do any such thing.
Meanwhile, my BG kids overhead Al talking to the new woman in his life, who wasn't so new after all- another story that he denies-but people once again feeling bad for me, have told me the truth-Al denies once again his involvement in these loathsome activities-but as you can tell, I have had enough of being unfairly slandered by him, his kids and their so called friends.
Furthermore, he keeps telling me that he hasn't done any of these things and he swears on his wife's grave. That's a real good one, let me tell you. I informed him to let her rest in peace. He and his kids have used her death to the hilt for sympathy, manupilative purposes, etc. Enough already. This has been going on for well over ten years. Just let her be, for goodness sake. Not to mention that Becky and the wonderkin Cory asked people to donate to the cancer society in her mother's honor. What a great show for those all attending, while the gravesite of her mother was in deplorable condition, not a flower in sight, only a mass of weeds. Talk about disrespect, Becky has it in spades. She sure did look good to those attending, but the dirty little secret is out.
By the way, what I am saying here is nothing that good ole Al hasn't heard from me. If you want to know if I am telling you the truth about it, feel free to call him at 607-967-4600 and I am sure he will enlighten you.
Speaking of Kathy's grave, when Al was here I told him that he needed to apologize for maligning my mom, which was the straw that broke this camel's back when I left. I will take abuse, but when you start on my mom, you had better run for cover because I am relentless and I will run you over if it is my last breath and I don't say that lightly as I am on oxygen. After my shaming him into apologizing to my mom, I told him to go and clean up the cemetary and put flowers there for Kathy with his kids.
This evening as I let him have it for being such a ______________, he told me that he had cleaned up the gravesite and put flowers there. If he did this, then perhaps, he has learned a little something about respect. I shouldn't have to tell him this, though. Once again, if he loved his wife, he would have been doing this all along.
You are probably wondering why I can't let go, since I am out of the live reality show that doesn't need a script, only a camera crew to follow the yahoos and the new woman in Al's life that he is madly in love with. He hasn't moved her in yet as people have already told him what a loser he is. Well, he doesn't want to admit to the fact that he is less than honest, so if he moves his new woman in, it only proves what a __________he really is. But, as I told him tonight, we all know the truth, so show her over the threshold and put her horses in your pole barn minus the Mustang that I supposedly stole from him.
Well, what did get me all revved up? It was Al asking me to have my lawyer, remember Al didn't want a lawyer because it would cost him MONEY, even though I advised him numerous times to do so and my lawyer even advised him of this, write a letter stating that this was it, there would be no changes in our agreement.
So, in essence, Al was insinuating once again that I was taking advantage of him. Imagine that?!! Well, I heard that about once too many times. So, the good people of Bainbridge heard me in the street in front of the pharmacy letting Al know just what I thought about who was robbing who. Instead of owning up to his insinuation and blaming me for misunderstanding him-oh, everybody else's fault, except his own in his book of lies- this continued on into the town hall, where he told me to calm down. Calm down after being talked to this way and hearing all the Kathy and Al stories, the new woman stories. What planet does he think I am living on anyways? Well, the good folks in the town hall got an ear full and frankly, I didn't give a hoot. Of course, Al didn't want me bringing up any of this because he would look like a _______________________and rightfully so.
Does the apples not fall far from the tree? Who would have thunk that Newton's Law of gravity would prove the Arotsky Theorem that you are what your parents make you and teach you-the supposed role model for being a good, upright citizen. Where did they get lost? And why don't they try to get back on track? I don't have the answers and I suspect that I never will. The problem is that they are narcisstic-money first, me second, my pets maybe and to heck with the rest-you exist in their life only to be used and when they can't use you anymore, you are kicked to the curb like yesterday's trash and if you are their friend, then you are just like them.
In my phone "conversation" with Al, he asked me when I would stop hounding him, picking on him and his cherubs, we are getting a divorce-why can't I just let it go, he asks innocently, as if he has no clue. Well, here is the clue that I told Al, as soon as you stop telling lies about me and your kids stop lying about me, then I will not be calling you on your deplorable behavior. It seems that I am the only one, who tells him to knock his crap off.
Furthermore, I told him I will be happy to put in the paper what I received from the legal separation agreement and what he received. He knows and I know that he got the better deal all the way around. He got rid of me and my health issues and he kept the property on Searles Hill Road. He does not want me to put this in the newspaper at all. Hmm.. I wonder why not???!!!
I, also, told him that I would also declare in the newspaper that I would not seek anymore of his assets as he felt that me receiving 50% of the appraised value of the house and property was too much. In his words, he should have had 60% and me 40%, but lucky for me, New York state says 50-50. Is he worth my breath? Not at all, but for Kathy and myself having lived through what we did, I have to tell the truth. She deserved better and I deserved better.
When you don't have a conscience, moral fiber, truth, honesty, love, self respect and respect for others, you end up like this totally dsyfunctional family. They need blessings because they have missed the meaning of life entirely. They will have left this Earth no wiser, no happier, no healthier, no more anything. What a shame. You can always learn from your mistakes and become a better person. Then, people like me can say, at least they got the meaning and made themselves be better human beings, but when you know your faults and you don't want to deal with them, then I have no sympathy or tolerance for you. This entry proves it hands down.
I wouldn't have revealed this, but I am done being pushed around and verbally attacked and now I am simply telling the truth. Enough is enough.
I, also, told Al that I have my checkbook records to prove how much money I spent on him and his kids. My first year into the marriage, $50, 000. Multiply that by 10 years- an average amount. I offered to have the bank pull these checks and send them to him and if he was so inclined, he could start making restitution on a monthly basis. So once again, who robbed who? You do the math.
At the end of the conversation, he said that a newspaper will not print our legal separation agreement in the newspaper, nor will they print me stating that I will not "rob" him of anything else.
Well, I'll be busy tomorrow ringing up the newspapers to find out. Al wanted a letter from my lawyer stating that the legal separation is final and that I won't get anything more. Well, I have no problem stating what I received and what he received. There will be the proof that he has requested in black and white and for everyone to see. So,when he and his kids start trashing me and lying about me, the newspaper has it all.
When you make mistakes, admit it, fix it, apologize and don't do it again. You can be forgiven for that, but when you continue to lie, not accept responsibility for your lies, then you can not be forgiven in my book. We can all make improvements in our lives and how we treat one another. I know that I am not perfect as I told Al, but I can look in the mirror and know that I have done the right things in my life- the important things that count. He, on the other hand, looks in mirror and I don't have a clue what he sees. He probably doesn't know either. I told him to quit his drinking as he claims he had no clue that he even said such salacious things about me. Was he so drunk with his new woman, that he forgot what he said or did he merely "forget" like his kids did when they broke all my stuff or stole it or hid it. They don't even tell each other the truth. The only thing they all agreed upon was running me out of their dsyfunctional family.
I should have rode out of Dodge when I could have done it on my own.
If you see Mom out and about, please do not mention this to her as it only upsets her. This is my business and what stays on the blog, stays on the blog. My mom doesn't need to know or be reminded of my past ten years. She already knows the price I have paid and it only makes her feel helpless and sick.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Visitation Rights Revoked for my One and Only Bud!
It happened out of the clear blue sky as I tried to pay for dinner for my Aunt Bea, Uncle Don and my Mom at the Country Club. My aunt insisted on paying as I had babysat Bud. Well, I adore Bud and he is so well behaved that babysitting and chit chatting with him is a pleasure.
We almost ended up in an arm wrestling match that my Mom had to break up. Finally, my aunt said that if she could not pay the bill, then I could not visit Bud. My visitation rights would be revoked. How do you like that? Well, I asked her if he could still come to my pawty at my new home on Secor Street. "NO," was her emphatic reply. One not to despair, I figured I needed to get back in my aunt's good graces.
She and my uncle were headed to MA to stay with my Aunt Joan and Uncle Don along with Bill and Cindy B. So, I called out there to inquire if they were alright and if Bud was a happy camper, which he was. He took over Jasmine's bed, even though he can walk under her belly, I think. Imagine that- the little one told the big one to move it on over and she did.
I told my Aunt Joan about my Aunt Bea revoking my visitation rights to Bud and that I was calling to see if she would relent. My Aunt Bea got on the line and I explained my reasons for calling. She said that even though I was Bud's Godmother, she would have to think about it.
So, when they came home from MA., we invited them for dinner along with Bud. They arrived with Bud, who was sick. His nose was dry. He hadn't eaten or drank anything all day long. I was forbidden to feed him, but I did water him. He didn't want his swanky water from the tap, either. He sat on my aunt's lap all day long and did not jump up or down at all. Poor Bud was under the weather. So, my aunt had made him a vet's appointment at 7. She agreed to call us with the findings about Bud and his medical condition.
Sure enough, my aunt called to say that Bud had put his back out and needed pain killers, an antibiotic and his puppy stairs up to his parents' and his bed. I want to see these steps. Aunt Bea surmises that Bud had jumped off Aunt Joan and Uncle Don's bed, which is rather high and strained his back. I asked if there is a dog chiropractor. I know that they have psychologists for dogs that are depressed. I wonder how that works? Needless to say, our Bud will be on bed rest with no jumping for awhile.
My aunt would like a Westy dog. I asked,"What type of dog is that?" "A cute one," she replied. My uncle Don has forbid her to get a Westy from the East side. So, what to do? Jean said,"Don't be surprised if Marge delivers a Westy to you soon. Would you keep him/her if he/she was a gift?" "NO,"said my uncle. Jeez, who will win this dog go round?
Meanwhile, an official envelope from TN. arrived with my name on it. It was from an attorney by the name of Kathy W., who had sent me a legal document stating that I could now visit Bud, without any troubles. I was reinstated as the Godmother once again. The legal document proclaimed my ability to see Bud and interact with him when I wanted. I had finally won the battle to see my godson, Bud with the legal expertise of my lawyer, Kathy W.
I have invited my attorney to stay at my house, especially at the time of my big pawty that Bud will be attending. He will be surrounded by family and friends and of course, Kathy, my lawyer, who has given me peace of mind as a Godmother.
Thank you, Kathy for your expertise in this area. I know that I will be using your legal document real soon, after I have it framed. My aunt Bea said, "Don't worry, Bud will come to your pawty." Meanwhile, I am framing this document for my aunt and uncle as proof that I reserve my rights to see Bud at their abode, etc. Also, I will be painting them a picture frame just for Bud and them.
Will my aunt once again revoke my visitation rights to Bud, once she is "served" with this legal document? I hope not.
May you have a buddy like Bud and an aunt and uncle like mine. They all are great fun as well as my cousin lawyer, Kathy, who is one of Bea and Don's daughter, who is a real peach of a gal.
We almost ended up in an arm wrestling match that my Mom had to break up. Finally, my aunt said that if she could not pay the bill, then I could not visit Bud. My visitation rights would be revoked. How do you like that? Well, I asked her if he could still come to my pawty at my new home on Secor Street. "NO," was her emphatic reply. One not to despair, I figured I needed to get back in my aunt's good graces.
She and my uncle were headed to MA to stay with my Aunt Joan and Uncle Don along with Bill and Cindy B. So, I called out there to inquire if they were alright and if Bud was a happy camper, which he was. He took over Jasmine's bed, even though he can walk under her belly, I think. Imagine that- the little one told the big one to move it on over and she did.
I told my Aunt Joan about my Aunt Bea revoking my visitation rights to Bud and that I was calling to see if she would relent. My Aunt Bea got on the line and I explained my reasons for calling. She said that even though I was Bud's Godmother, she would have to think about it.
So, when they came home from MA., we invited them for dinner along with Bud. They arrived with Bud, who was sick. His nose was dry. He hadn't eaten or drank anything all day long. I was forbidden to feed him, but I did water him. He didn't want his swanky water from the tap, either. He sat on my aunt's lap all day long and did not jump up or down at all. Poor Bud was under the weather. So, my aunt had made him a vet's appointment at 7. She agreed to call us with the findings about Bud and his medical condition.
Sure enough, my aunt called to say that Bud had put his back out and needed pain killers, an antibiotic and his puppy stairs up to his parents' and his bed. I want to see these steps. Aunt Bea surmises that Bud had jumped off Aunt Joan and Uncle Don's bed, which is rather high and strained his back. I asked if there is a dog chiropractor. I know that they have psychologists for dogs that are depressed. I wonder how that works? Needless to say, our Bud will be on bed rest with no jumping for awhile.
My aunt would like a Westy dog. I asked,"What type of dog is that?" "A cute one," she replied. My uncle Don has forbid her to get a Westy from the East side. So, what to do? Jean said,"Don't be surprised if Marge delivers a Westy to you soon. Would you keep him/her if he/she was a gift?" "NO,"said my uncle. Jeez, who will win this dog go round?
Meanwhile, an official envelope from TN. arrived with my name on it. It was from an attorney by the name of Kathy W., who had sent me a legal document stating that I could now visit Bud, without any troubles. I was reinstated as the Godmother once again. The legal document proclaimed my ability to see Bud and interact with him when I wanted. I had finally won the battle to see my godson, Bud with the legal expertise of my lawyer, Kathy W.
I have invited my attorney to stay at my house, especially at the time of my big pawty that Bud will be attending. He will be surrounded by family and friends and of course, Kathy, my lawyer, who has given me peace of mind as a Godmother.
Thank you, Kathy for your expertise in this area. I know that I will be using your legal document real soon, after I have it framed. My aunt Bea said, "Don't worry, Bud will come to your pawty." Meanwhile, I am framing this document for my aunt and uncle as proof that I reserve my rights to see Bud at their abode, etc. Also, I will be painting them a picture frame just for Bud and them.
Will my aunt once again revoke my visitation rights to Bud, once she is "served" with this legal document? I hope not.
May you have a buddy like Bud and an aunt and uncle like mine. They all are great fun as well as my cousin lawyer, Kathy, who is one of Bea and Don's daughter, who is a real peach of a gal.
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